


A Leader's Requite

by KawaiiNinja



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Abuse, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:20:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23096215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KawaiiNinja/pseuds/KawaiiNinja
Summary: Master Splinter's death has taken a toll on the four turtle brothers, especially the eldest. Leo feels the weight of being Sensei dropped onto his shoulders, and feels like he can't live up to that expectation. And things aren't any better for Raphael, who still thinks that he should be leader. This only results in tension rising between the two oldest brothers.The leader slowly becomes depressed, tumbling down a dark path. It is up for his brothers to save their leader.
Kudos: 28





	1. Grief

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever doing a main Leonardo fic. I'm always used to doing Mikey, so hopefully this will still be great! Enjoy!

"Goodbye Sensei," the words felt like ice on his tongue. Everyone was gathered around the tombstone that laid against an oak tree. Petals and leaves began to float in the wind, drifting away. Though their friends began to leave, the four turtle brothers remained in front of the grave. Master Splinter's green cane laid there against the mound of dirt.

Michelangelo knelt down to his knees, sniffling. Leonardo allowed a few tears to hit the stone slab. He placed his hand upon it, before turning around as his three brothers left the site. Their heads were bowed, yet Leo couldn't compel himself to leave. His feet began to move on their own, and he found himself standing beside a creek. The water flowed, like gentle music in the air. However, the sweet sound felt like a mockery to the leader's ears.

How could this happen? He didn't understand! He remembered Master Splinter's last words to him in the lair, and oh how they saddened his heart. It was like their father and master knew that he was going to die, and he accepted it. Leonardo didn't want to accept it. He was the first to even notice how distant father was and confronted him.

"Leonardo, if I can only impart one piece of wisdom that will remain with you forever, remember, giving guidance to your brothers and friends does not come from here. It comes from here." He pointed to the heart. But then Leo reminisced something Master Splinter told him before Raph stormed out from the lair that one time.

 ** _"Everything is impermanent, Leonardo. You cannot expect anything to last forever, even family."_** Those words felt like they had driven a stake deeply through Leo's heart. No! He didn't want to do this! He didn't want to have to deal with letting someone he loved go. The turtle fell to his knees, sobbing against the side of the bank. The pain was too much.

Though he felt a gentle breeze against his face, as Master Splinter's voice startled him. Leo stood up, wiping the tears from his eyes as he saw Master Splinter's spirit. He spoke with him, as Leonardo was scared at first that he was hallucinating.

"Do not fear me, my son."

"Master Splinter? Is that really you?" Leonardo's eyes were wide in shock. "Am I dreaming this?" He stared at his hands.

"You are not dreaming. I have attained a higher plane of existence. Passing into death, we merge into the whole of life. We become one in all of nature, in all of the universe. Even with you."

Leo frowned at this, feeling the words choking in the back of his throat. "I-I- I can't go on without you, Father..."

"You must, Leonardo. Karai needs you. Your brothers need you." Leo clenched his jaw tightly at this, gazing at the ground before returning his gaze back to his father.

"Shredder is still alive."

"Then you must end this, my son."

"I don't know if we can..." Leo shook his head. "He's too powerful. I don't think we're strong enough..." Leo paused as Master Splinter's form began to disperse into the air, falling in line with the wind. "Sensei?...."

The tears were back as they had come. Leo sucked into a deep breath as he noticed his three brothers walking towards him. "Leo!" Mikey rushed up to him, throwing his arms around his oldest brother.

"We've been looking all over for you," Donnie said, motioning with his hand back towards the direction of the farmhouse. "We were waiting and were about to leave."

"And of course this idiot had to wander all alone into the woods by himself!?" Raph growled, jabbing a fist against Leo's arm, to which Leonardo flinched. It was a little rough for his liking.

"Easy, Raph, we just had a funeral what did you expect?"

"You think you're suffering the most?" Raph growled, now stepping in front of Leo. Mikey removed his arms around Leonardo's shoulders as he and Donnie both shared worried glances. "Bullcrap! Need me to remind you that he was our father too?!"

"Raph... don't..." Leo shook his head, not caring if his tears were now visible and leaking down his cheeks. Raph growled, clenching his fists as tears of his own escaped his eyes. The hothead huffed, before storming away.

"Let's just get outta here already." Leo nodded his head, frowning as he followed his three brothers back to the party wagon to where April and Casey waited. Leatherhead, Slash and his gang had a ride in their own car, so they were already long gone. The car ride back to New York was a silent one, as no one was in the mood to say anything. Well could you really blame them? The four turtle brothers had just lost their father. Certainly things were never going to be the same again.

Although when they finally arrived into the lair, all three of them shut themselves from each other. Donnie disappeared into his lab, Leo into the dojo, Raph into his room and Mikey with a bowl of ice cream and sitting in front of the TV. Leo tried to tune out Mikey's sobbing as he could hear it even from the dojo.

"I'm sorry..." Leo bowed his head, gazing at the photograph of Master Splinter on the shelf, as the candles flickered gently. The leader knew that starting tomorrow he'd talk to his brothers about avenging Master Splinter's death and killing the Shredder. After all, that monster deserved it. Though the blue masked turtle had a feeling that even if they did succeed in ridding of the Shredder once and for all, the pain would still be there. How could it? Someone was gone, and they were never coming back.

The eldest turtle stood there in deafening silence, staring at the wall ahead of him.


	2. Rising Tension

They had done it. The four brothers had avenged Master Splinter, the Shredder was dead. Nothing could bring any more joy to the world. Sure Leo's brothers helped, aiding in the battle but he was the one who delivered the finishing blow. The feeling of his katana slicing the head off, it felt exhilarating.

However, though their nemesis was dead, that still did not mend the hole in their hearts. Nothing could change the harsh reality that Sensei was gone forever. It had been days, weeks maybe Leo couldn't count time.

Everyday felt the same. Wake up, insist on training, eat breakfast, and whatever happened that day, patrol or anything. To be honest, something felt stale to Leo. He loved training, meditating and patrolling, but somehow those things were starting to get boring. Yet he knew he needed to keep it up. He was the leader and sensei afterall now. It wasn't easy to conform his brothers that he was sensei. Donnie and Mikey were both silent, and Leo couldn't tell what was going on through their minds, but Raph, he growled in Leonardo's face. And ever since then, the hothead has become more hostile.

"We will meditate today," Leo said, kneeling down onto the dojo mat. His brothers followed, though the leader felt Raph's gaze on him.

"But shouldn't we be out and helping the Mighty Mutanimals?" Donnie inquired. "Since there's been some activity going on lately."

"We're not going out on patrol, not until they message us that they need our help," Leo replied. Raph growled at this, clenching his fist.

"See? This is your problem, Fearless!"

"Those are my orders, Raph," Leo's eyes narrowed.

"Oh boi, here they go again," Mikey whispered to Donnie. "The beast will be out in ten," he began to count down. "Nine..." Donnie rolled his eyes at this.

"I'm sick of following your orders!" Raph snapped, standing up as he pointed an accusing finger at Leo. "You don't deserve to be leader or sensei, all you've been doing is moping around in pity and depression! You were only chosen because you were Master Splinter's favorite!"

"Eight..."

"Raph!" Leo stood you abruptly. "Enough, you know that's not true."

"Seven..."

"Like shell you know anything, Leo! What gave ya the audacity to be so gloomy about Master Splinter's death like you're the worst one who is suffering! Well I've got news for you, ya ain't!!"

"Six..."

"Raph!" The hothead shoved his hand against Leonardo's plastron.

"You were always Splinter's favorite! Don't deny it!"

"Five..."

"It's because I was leader!"

"And that's why he chose you! He always spoke to you more than all of us!"

"Four..."

"Mikey!" Donnie nudged him, cutting him off from his countdown.

"You never deserved to be leader! I did!" Raph pointed to himself. "I want to be leader! And all we do is follow you like puppets!"

"Raph..." Leo frowned.

"No, I'm done! I'm not being pushed around anymore! I'm not following your dumb orders anymore! Because you're just pathetic! I'm outta here!" He shoved his shoulder harshly against Leo's. The leader stumbled a bit before gaining his balance. He could feel his heart clench at Raph's words.

"Raph... don't..." he reached out to grasp the hothead's arm, trying to stop him from exiting the dojo. However, that turned out to be a huge mistake. He was socked in the face, the force so hard that it knocked Leo off his feet.

"LEO!" Donnie and Mikey were both instantly at his side when his carapace slammed against the dojo floor. A flurry of movement signified that Raph left.

"Are you okay, dude?" Mikey was leaning over him worriedly.

"How many fingers am I holding up?" Donnie asked, holding out two fingers. Leo squinted his eyes, trying to focus though his vision felt fuzzy.

"Uh.... four?" Donnie immediately frowned at this.

"Mikey, help me take him to the lab." The orange clad turtle nodded his head as the two youngest eyes hauled Leo into the lab. The leader was laid on a cot as Donnie began to shine some light in his eyes. Leonardo flinched, the light was a bit painful.

"That hurts..."

"Well, it's confirmed that you have a mild concussion," Donnie stated, beckoning for Mikey to dim the lights.

"He got a concussion?" Mikey questioned, zooming back to Donnie's side as he gazed at Leo worriedly.

"The force of Raph's punch sent him slamming into the floor, slamming his head in the process."

"Will he be okay?"

"He will be, like I said it's only a mild concussion. Be glad it's not worse," Donnie said.

Leo groaned, closing his eyes as the pain came full force. "Why?... Why did he hit me so hard?"

"I don't know, Leo. You know how Raph is, he lets his anger get the best of him and he ends up hurting one of us," Donnie replied, inserting an IV into Leo's arm. Mikey frowned apologetically at his oldest brother.

"Dude, Raph is coming back right, D?" Mikey turned his attention to Donnie.

"He always has quitted so many times, Mikey. But I doubt it, because he seemed serious this time if he hit Leo that hard."

Leonardo sighed, pushing himself up into a sitting position. "I'll try to talk to him."

"No, Leo," Donnie pushed him back down onto the cot. "You shouldn't be moving around too much with a concussion. You need to rest and let yourself heal for a while."

"But- maybe I can talk some sense into him?"

"After your concussion goes away, that is. And besides, would Raph even listen? He never listens to you."

"You're right..." the blue masked terrapin let out a defeated sigh.

"I can try," Donnie suggested, bringing up a chair for Mikey to sit in, so the youngest could sit by Leo.

"No, if it's anybody it has to be me," Leo shook his head.

"But Leo... the two of you have always been fighting..."

"Exactly, and that's why this needs to stop. This isn't right." Leo closed his eyes, letting himself think how he was going to be able to reason with Raph. Little did Leo know, that his beating would certainly not be the last.


	3. Cold Blood

It had been a week since Leo retrieved his concussion. It eventually went away as the leader was let out of commission. Leo sighed, standing from the exit of the bedroom hallway.

There Raph was, punching away at his punching dummy. The leader reflected upon what he was going to say. Donatello warned him that it was most likely that Raph would get out of control again. The genius did state to come get him if he got hurt once more. But no, Leo shook his head. If he got hurt again, he'd be fine but he needed to get through Raph.

"Raph..." he took a step forward making his presence known. The hothead huffed, continuing to punch his bag, ignoring Leo. "Raph."

"What do you want?" The dark green turtle snapped. He lowered his fists, turning around to face Leonardo.

"We need to talk." Raph folded his arms across his plastron, scowling. "What you did a week ago, that was totally uncalled for."

"Well it should teach you to not tick me off!" Raph rolled his eyes. Leo could tell that his anger meter was rising.

"Let's go in the dojo," Leo stated, wanting to take this elsewhere. He didn't want Mikey or Donnie walking in on the situation. Raph nodded his head, the two of them entering their designated spot.

Now Leo turned to face Raph, arms folded across his plastron. "I don't like how you've been acting lately."

"Well neither do I, Fearless," Raph clenched his teeth. "Sitting around moping and doing nothing!"

"I am leader, why can't you respect that?"

"Because if I was leader, I would make sure that everyone gets some action! And we would be out topside getting action already! Not stuck down here in the lair!"

"Well I'm a better leader than you, because you are hotheaded and temperamental," Leo instantly regretted those words as fire burned in Raphael's eyes.

"Better leader my shell!" Raph stalked towards him, allowing Leo to get into a fighting stance.

"Please, Raph. Don't do this... this isn't worth it.." This only seemed to add fuel to Raph's fire. He cracked his knuckles, pulling out his sais as he twirled them.

"You want to see who's a better leader? I'll show ya who's leader!" He lunged at Leo as the leader dodged him. Leo yelped as he felt his ankle being grasped as Raphael threw him against the floor.

"Ah! That's enough!" Leo swung his legs from underneath Raph, knocking him off his feet. This gained the leader an opportunity to unsheath his katana blades as Raph regained his footing. Now metal clashed metal, sai against katana blades as Leo tried to evade Raph's attack. The hothead seemed to be aiming for the kill. The edges of the sais caught Leo's blades, flipping them back, sending them spiraling from the leader's grasp.

Leo let out a grunt of pain as the sharp edge of a sai sliced across his arm. His shell was slammed against the wall, a sai rammed inches from his head. Blood trickled down Leo's arm, and from the stinging sensation Leo knew it was deep.

"Who's the leader now?" Raph snarled in his face. Leo didn't have any time to register any reaction as Raph slammed the butt end of his sai against his head. Darkness encased him, as his body fell with a thud. The leader woke up several times to find Raph looming over him. Raphael's eyes were more red than green and Leo could feel pain all over his body. Raph slammed him against the wall again as the leader felt pain flare up his arm. "You're not as strong as me. Leaders should be strong," he could hear Raph say. He released him, allowing Leonardo to fall onto his knees.

It was then that Leo got a good glimpse of himself. There was a deep cut on his right arm, still bleeding from Raph's sai nicking him. And now he had several bruises littering his body. Raph moved across the room as Leo thought that he was going to leave. However, he returned to Leo's side and the leader could hear the sound of something scratching against metal. His katana blades were thrust down in front of him. Raph didn't say a word, only turning around to exit the dojo.

Glancing down at his katana blades Leo recognized the words scribbled onto the blades. It read: LAME-O-NARDO he remembered that Raph had done this before, but now he had done it again.

Picking up his blades with shaky hands, Leo could feel his body groan in protest. Everything hurt, and he was still bleeding. Maybe Raph was right... he wasn't suited to be leader, not even sensei.

"Leo?" The leader sheathed his blades, keeping a hand to cover his cut. Mikey was standing there at the dojo's exit a worried expression on his face. "Are you okay, dude?"

"I'm fine, Mikey," he replied, getting up, ignoring the flare of pain he felt. He deserved this, for not supporting his team or being strong enough. The blue masked turtle bypassed Mikey as he headed towards the bedroom. It seemed that Raph left the lair again to let out some steam. But not like he had just done it upon Leo as well. Leo never remembered getting his hurt before.

"Dude, what happened?!" Mikey was grasping his arm, "you're covered in bruises and... are you bleeding?" Mikey tilted his head. Sure enough, trickles of blood were seeping through Leo's fingers that tried to hide the deep wound.

"I told you, I'm fine," Leo shrugged his shoulder to shove his baby brother away. This startled the orange masked turtle. "I will take care of it." Baby blue eyes watched the blue masked turtle who disappeared into his room.

Something was not right, even the freckled turtle could tell. He frowned, turning to face the lab debating whether he should tell Donnie this. But Leo did say that he was going to take care of it. Shaking his head, Mikey decided to focus on watching his show in the main room. He would let it slide, Leo had it under control. But, if this happened again he certainly won't let it go.


	4. Why so Blue?

It was dark. He felt numb. Where was he? The flare of pain made him wince. Somehow he could still see himself even in the ebony blackness. His arm was bleeding, blood trickling down his skin.

He saw other silhouettes standing around him. Three of them to be exact. He could make out their forms, the outline of their bodies familiar to him. Eyes opened, glowing in the darkness, brown, emerald green, baby blue. The masks were lit, shining and blazing. Red, purple and orange.

"Raph, Donnie, Mikey?" Leo questioned, holding out his hand towards his brothers. "What's going on?" In that moment, the three of them began to circle around Leo like buzzards. Their voices were buzzing, spurting out insults, every mistake that the leader had done. "No! Stop!" Leonardo covered his ears. However, the voices also increased in volume.

"You let us down, bro!" Mikey screamed into his right ear.

"You failed us," Donnie added.

"Lame-o-nardo!" Leo felt himself being shoved, Raphael towering over him. He seemed to grow in size.

"R-Raph!"..." Leo could feel tears leaking out from his eyes. Green eyes were blazing red with hatred.

"You are nothing," another shove, another punch. Leo winced, trying to put his arms up to protect himself, but it was futile. Raph was stronger than him. He plummeted into the ground, coughing, blood pooling around him. Every hit, every smack, resonated around him. The way his skin flared, the bruises throbbing. Cuts appearing on his skin. At this point Leo didn't even bother to fight back, he succumbed to Raph's beatings. He deserved this, he was a failure, a failure of a leader. He was Splinter's favorite and that's why his brothers hated him. Now Splinter was dead, there was nobody to hold him up anymore. Why would anyone?

They hated him. He was a failure.... Raph held up the sai, ramming it directly over his head. A scream erupted from his lips.

His eyelids snapped open, heart pounding loudly against his plastron. It was then that he realized that he was in his room. The bruises still littered his body, a reminder that Raph did indeed beat him up. His arm was bandaged. Oh yeah, Raph cut him too with his sai. He remembered now, Mikey tried to talk to him, but he retreated to his room and wrapped up the cut only to pass out onto his bed. That nightmare, it felt so real.

Leonardo shuddered, wrapping his arms around himself. Raph was right, he didn't deserve to be leader. He never did. How could he do anything right if all he did was focus on himself, his grief over Master Splinter's death. On another note, Raphael was stronger than him. He was weak, a failure...

The blue masked turtle took out his katana blades reading the words: Lame-O-nardo.

"I am nothing but a failure..." he said softly, tilting his katana so the sharp end faced him. Everything felt like a blur, the blade moved, and the tip sliced itself across Leo's wrist. Leo didn't even flinch, just stared at the blood that leaked. It was exactly like the cut Raph made. It wasn't the blood that fascinated him, it was the pain. The stinging sensation of the cut burning. The pain was enough.

Turning his head to gaze at his alarm clock, it read 5:58 AM. It was time for training, and Leo now knew what needed to be done. He was going to step down.

Making sure to cover his cut with his wrappings, Leo knew he would be questioned for his cut that Raph inflicted upon him, including the bruises. He would have to ignore them. Stepping out from his bedroom, Leo made his way into the dojo to find all of his brothers were there already. Of course, for once he was late.

Raph was already telling Mikey and Donnie to do some stretches when the leader arrived. "Leo!" Mikey perked his head up, only to frown at the sight. Donnie paused in his stretching exercises gazing over. Leo looked absolutely horrible. His eyes were dull, dark circles underneath them. There were several bruises on his body, and a bandage wrapped around his arm. Raph didn't react to the sight, only returning back to his own concentration.

"Woah, what happened?" Donnie stood up, along with Mikey as the eldest walked over. "You look horrible."

"It's nothing," Leo responded. "I am sorry that I am late. But I have now made up my mind." Raph continued to stretch, ignoring him as Leo took in a deep breath. "I'm stepping down from leader position." The entire dojo fell silent, as a pin drop could be heard.

"What?" Donnie questioned in disbelief. Mikey had his jaw open and Raph, he lifted his gaze directing his attention to Leonardo.

"I have realized that I am unfit to be leader," Leo began to elaborate. "And so Raph will be the leader." The hothead slowly stood up, as Leo tried to make out his expression. Was that relief? Shock? But also disappointment. Leo couldn't tell.

"Did you just say what I thought you said, dude?" Mikey exasperated.

"Leo, are you nuts?" Donnie grasped the blue masked terrapin's shoulder.

"I'm serious," Leo nodded his head in confirmation, not once breaking eye contact with the hotheaded turtle. "Raph is the strongest here. He should be the leader." He shrugged Donnie's hand off him and exited the dojo without another word.

"Am I dreaming? Raph is leader?" Mikey questioned.

"No, you're not dreaming, Mikey," Donnie said, completely aghast and shocked. There was no way that Raph would be fit to be leader. And how the shell did Leo suddenly become so blue? "What is going on here?" The genius pinpointed his attention on Raph.

The red masked turtle still stood there, still as a statue. "I'm the leader," he finally said, touching his plastron as he grinned.

"This isn't right!" Donnie shoved a hand against Raph, making him stumble a bit back. The hothead scowled as Donnie pointed an accusing finger in his face. "What did you do?!"

"Like I did anything!" Raph snapped, snarling.

"Liar!" Donnie jabbed a finger to Raphael's plastron. "Leo said he was going to talk to you to try to make you understand. But no! It seemed that you did something that made him change his mind! And now he quit his responsibility!" The two of them began to growl, Raph reaching behind to grasp his sais.

"WILL YOU TWO STOP IT?!" Mikey's voice roared so loud that the entire dojo shook followed by a loud WHACK.

Both Raph and Donnie groaned, rubbing the stinging against the side of their heads. It was enough to make them freeze to see Mikey's livid and ferocious face. If his head was on fire it was practically exploding. Donnie's mouth dropped in disbelief as did Raph's. Mikey was cussing at them out, and boi Mikey was never one to use such vulgar words. Leo would be blowing a fuse if he heard him.

"You two are idiots!" Mikey pointed accusingly at both of them. "Leo is suffering with who knows what happened. And you two are trying to tear each other's heads apart when we should be out there helping Leo!" The orange clad turtle pointed at the doorway of the dojo.

Raph sagged, dropping his grasp from his sais. Donnie leaned back, finally recollecting himself. "You're right, Mikey."

"And you," Mikey dared to take a step towards Raph, until he was standing in front of him. Donnie felt his jaw drop for the second time, at the way Mikey glared daggers at Raph, completely unafraid and unyielding. "Raphael," Mikey said Raph's full name with such intensity that even Donnie could feel it. He shivered, clutching onto his elbows. A pissed Mikey was a Mikey you did not want to deal with it. Especially if the orange masked turtle was beyond pissed. 

Raph's eyes widened, completely dumbfounded and flabbergasted. Mikey's gaze was burning holes directly into him. And the way he said his full-name, Raphael for once felt fear in front of his baby brother. He gulped as Mikey continued: "You will tell us everything that happened between you and Leo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An angry Mikey is a Mikey you don't want to mess with. How was this chapter? Also I know that the chapter title is legit a Steven Universe song XD


	5. Never Alone

"YOU WHAT!?" Donnie screeched, feeling Mikey pushing him back, keeping a hand on his plastron from lashing out at the hothead.

"Everything was a red haze, I don't remember everything that happened," Raph said. "But when I came to, Leo was bleeding and had bruises littering his body. I didn't even think about the damage, I just stormed out of the dojo."

"First you gave him a concussion and second, you beat him up?" Donnie sighed heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"That was uncalled for, Raph!" Mikey snapped.

"Like the shell I know it was! I already told you, it just came over me!"

"You're going to apologize, NOW!" Mikey grasped Raph's arm, leaving the older turtle no choice. Donnie shrugged his shoulders, smirking a bit in Raphael's direction. Who would've thought that Mikey would take control of the situation? Obviously Mikey looked up to Leo, and cared for him, that he certainly would switch over if he needed to, despite being the youngest.

The three of them exited the dojo to find that the leader had shut himself into the bathroom. Mikey motioned for Raph to go up to talk to him, whilst Donnie followed. Raph sighed, knocking on the door. "Leo?"

There was the sound of water flushing as Leo opened up the door. "Hey, Raph."

"I um... I'm sorry," Raph pursed his lips, taking in a deep breath.

"For what?" Leo tilted his head, obviously confused. Donnie exchanged a silent look with Mikey, both of them sharing the same thoughts.

"What do you mean 'for what?" Raph raised an eye ridge. "I beat you up." He pointed to the cut that was bandaged on Leonardo's arm, plus the bruises that decorated the leader's body.

"It's no big deal," Leo shrugged his shoulders. "I know you didn't mean it." For a moment Raph believed him, if it weren't for Donnie to grasp the leader's arm. Leo flinched at this, pain evident on his features.

"Oh no you don't," Donnie shook his head. "You're coming into my lab where I can access you." Leo's eyes were wide in fright as the genius tugged him towards the lab doors.

"Donnie, that's unnecessary..."

"Don't resist, dude," Mikey shook his finger in front of Leo's face, startling the oldest. "It's obvious you're not okay." Leo closed his mouth, silencing himself as he was dragged into the lab. Raph followed them as well as the blue masked turtle was set onto a cot. Donnie began to scrutinize his injuries, even unwrapping the bandage on his arm.

"I told you that this was unnecessary," Leo repeated, as Donnie clicked his tongue in satisfaction. The cut was clean, and healing nicely. Leonardo had already done the job of tending to the wound.

"Better to double check in case," Donnie replied. "Mikey, I'll need a bag of ice cubes."

"Aye, aye, Doc!" Mikey saluted before exiting the lab to go into the kitchen to retrieve a bag of ice cubes. Raph shifted uneasily, tapping his toe anxiously against the floor. How could this happen? How could he lose control like that? He had actually done harm to his own brother. Raph didn't necessarily hate Leo, he just... it was complicated.

Mikey returned with a bag of ice cubes and a cloth, handing it to Donnie. "You can ice the bruises to decrease the swelling," he said, holding the pack for Leo to take. The blue masked turtle took it, holding it the worse bruise on his right shoulder. He took in a deep breath, before noticing the way Mikey was staring at him.

"Dude, is that blood?"

"Huh?" Donnie leaned over to where Mikey pointed.

"On your left wrist," Mikey stated. "Your wrist wrapping is a bit soaked."

"Oh..." Leo instinctively covered his left wrist with his other hand. "It's nothing, just dried up blood."

"Show me your wrist," Donnie was immediately back at his side. Leo shifted, feeling himself recoil. He could notice the concern on three of his brothers' faces.

"Fine..." he removed his other hand, knowing that he wouldn't win this battle. Donnie was persistent so there was no stopping him. He allowed Donnie to take off his wrist wrappings as three gasps could be heard. Leo didn't know how to react to that, his expression blank.

"I don't remember doing that," Raph said.

"This cut is more cleaner than what your sai did, this one is sharp and precise," Donnie said, gazing at it. He reached behind himself to get some alcohol swabs to clean the wound. Leo flinched a bit, sighing. "How did you get this?" Donnie questioned, gently wrapping up the cut. It didn't look like a normal cut, and it certainly didn't look like an accident.

"I..." Was he really going to confess to his brothers just how much of a failure he truly was?

"Leo..." he blinked at the plea in Michelangelo's voice. His baby brother was on his other side, touching his hand gently. Raph was behind him, looking worried as well. Though it confused the leader. One moment he was beating him up, and now the next he looked guilty. But he couldn't blame him, but at the same time Raph was right in a sense.

"I did it myself," Leo responded.

"You cut yourself? On purpose?" Donnie repeated. Leo noticed the way Raphael's eyes widened even further, clenching his fists at his sides. Mikey was shocked, gazing at Donnie if he had said the most morbid thing ever. Great, just great, now he had tainted his baby brother's innocence? Mikey didn't need this.

"Bro," Leo was surprised to feel Mikey's arms wrapping around him, hugging him. "If you think you're useless then you're way out of league bruh." Leo blinked at this, as Michelangelo continued. "There's no way you're useless."

"Mikey's right," Donnie added, shuffling around with supplies.

"But I...." Leo sighed. "I'm just a failure of a leader..." he studied his hands.

"No ya ain't," Leonardo felt a firm grip on his shoulder, he turned his head up to see Raph gazing at him. Those emerald irises were blazing, but it wasn't anger that he saw. "Look I'm not too great with words," the hothead started. "And I know that I let my temper get the best of me. But what I did was uncalled for. All those things I said you, wasn't true. I was just angry, and hurt," Raph squeezed his shoulder for emphasis. "And I'm sorry for treating like you crap, Leo. I know we always fight, and sometimes our relationship is a bit tense. But you're still my brother, no matter what."

Leo could feel himself tear up as Mikey released him, allowing Raph coverage to hug the oldest turtle. "Thanks... Raph..."

"And yes I may be stronger than you," Raph chuckled. "But I've still got a long way to go man. I'm not ready yet. But you," he smiled at Leo. "You were always meant to be leader not just because Splinter chose you. But because out of all us, you were the only one who could handle the responsibility. It takes a lot to even be leader." Leo smiled at this, feeling Raph lean his head against his own.

"Awww," Mikey smiled in awe at the sight of Leo and Raph hugging. It was rare that the two of them showed affection.

"I'm sorry to break up the moment," Donnie reappeared next to Mikey's side. "But we're going to have to take your katana blades away for awhile, Leo," Donnie held out his hands. "Sorry. Self-harm is a serious matter."

"That's fair..." Leo replied as Raph pulled away from him. He unsheathed his katana blades, handing them to Donnie.

"Here, I can help clean the words off the blade since it's my fault," Raph suggested. Donnie nodded at this smiling.

"Mikey, I need you to do me a favor."

"Yes, D?"

"You're going to have to eviscerate every sharp object in the lair and hide them. It's better this way, since Leo will probably try to harm himself again."

"Got it!" Leo smiled, leaning back further on the cot.

"Clean as new!" He noticed the way Raphael held up his katana blades that were washed free from the writing. "How it's supposed to be." He then handed them to Donnie to hide away. For that entire night, Donnie suggested that Leo remain in the lab. He did so, his three brothers watching over him. The genius told him that he would need to allow himself some time to recover. They certainly were lucky to catch Leo's depression early on before it could even get worse. And of course, it took time for Leo to fully forgive Raph for what had done.

* * *

The next few weeks were spent with Leo's brothers keeping a close eye on him. He noticed the way Raphael desperately tried to control his temper. Whenever he wanted to lash out at Leo, he'd clench his teeth tightly and quickly leave. Donnie told him that this was better rather than physically beating each other up. Raph had to learn to divert his anger somewhere else, away from Leo for that matter.

And even though the pain of missing Master Splinter was still there, Leo then began to realize that he didn't need to suffer like this alone. He found Mikey crying one night, and he implied that the youngest sleep with him. Obviously Mikey didn't object, loving to cuddle anytime with his brothers. And Leo certainly found solace in this, keeping Michelangelo close to his plastron. The feeling of a protective older brother coursing through his veins.

It still took time before Leo had found other ways to cope with his feelings, including wanting to inflict pain upon himself. Donnie had eventually returned the lair back to its normal state and returned Leo his katana blades. The blades had never felt so secure in the leader's hands before when the four of them were out on patrol. It had been months since they had gone out. And boi, did the fresh air feel wonderful. The breeze was gentle against their skin as the four of them hung out on top of a rooftop.

Leo could feel Mikey pressing his cheek against his carapace, Donnie leaning against his left shoulder and Raph. The hothead huffed, plopping down before leaning his shoulder against Leo's. It wasn't much, but it was enough to brighten Leo's mood. They didn't hate him, they loved him. The leader smiled into the night, his midnight blue irises glittering. What could he do with his team? Certainly, he had the best brother ever. A true leader wasn't one who was perfect, but one who was humble enough to admit their mistakes. But the most important lesson of all, was that leaders were never meant to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this was a short story! But I hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to check out my other fics as well.


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